


Part of You

by woshuwoo



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: M/M, Nightmares, Violence, antisepticeye, i hope im using the right tags, jack has a lot of nightmares, sorta graphic in the gore department, tags will change, theyre at a con
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-01
Updated: 2017-04-08
Packaged: 2018-08-28 09:12:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8439874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/woshuwoo/pseuds/woshuwoo
Summary: Jack had lived with the monster for most of his life. Their souls were twisted together in a way that could not be undone. He'd been able to keep the beast at bay, but sometimes he could not control it. When he begins to loose his hold over the monster inside of him, anything could happen. Anyone could get hurt.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i really wanted to get at least the first chapter of this up before October ended so im cutting it kinda close. in all honesty, im not very happy with this first chapter. It didnt come out how i wanted it to :/ also i typed this on my phone so theres probably a few formatting errors. If theyre super glaringly obvious ad disgusting tell me pls and thank you. tw in this for gore sorta kinda. enjoy!

Jack pushed his headphones back off his head and shoved a hand through his hair, ruffling the green fringe. He'd been recording all afternoon and had a headache building between his temples. A tiny, niggling voice at the back of his head warned of what it could be but he ignored it. He couldn't fly into a panic every time his head hurt. 

 

Pushing his chair away from his desk, he stood and stretched, hearing the bones in his back and knees pop. A wave of dizziness and exhaustion swept over him suddenly and he no longer had the motivation to do anything but crawl into bed and sleep for a while. The ache in his head had turned into an incessant pounding that made his eyes sting. His brain was telling him to go to sleep and Jack had no objections to it. He pulled off his jeans and shuffled to the bathroom to brush his teeth. 

 

The bright lights of his bathroom stung his eyes and made his head twinge as he grabbed for his toothbrush. His eyes flicked instinctively to the mirror but the sight made him gasp and drop it in shock. His reflection was basically the same save for his eyes. The deep sky blue had been replaced by a black that spread to the entire eye, whites and all. His reflection smirked and it was nothing like Jacks playful smile. It warned of wickedness and cruelty. 

 

“Nice to finally see you again, Sean.” His reflection drawled, almost like Jack's voice but deeper and twinging with a thicker accent. Jack immediately closed his eyes and attempted to throw up the walls he kept around his mind. He hadn't even noticed they'd started to crumble. It hadn't breathed a word into his mind, no sinister or disturbing thoughts had shown themselves. 

 

“Oh you can't be serious! You're no fun! I wanted to talk a bit before I went out.” Jack attempted to block out his reflections words, but suddenly he felt the feeling of being pulled forward as if a hook had just caught his ribs and was tugging him back with it. His eyes flew open and he threw out his arms on instinct, although he hadn't moved. His reflection was directly in front of him, eyes alight with mirth and hatred. The last thing Jack saw before darkness swallowed him up was his reflections smug smirk. 

 

When Jack woke up, his knuckles stung and his mind felt light and clean, like it had been scrubbed of any thoughts. Terror flooded through him as he remembered what had happened the night before. He was too afraid to open his eyes. He didn't want to see the blood drying on his hands again, the unexplained scrapes down his arms and face. Eyes still clenched shut, he made to curl in on himself under the covers, but his legs pulled on a weight on top of his sheets. Something warm and wet soaked through his duvet and dripped on to his legs. Curiosity got the best of him and his eyes opened without his permission. 

 

“Oh my God. OH MY GOD.” Jack scrambled to get out from under his sheets and fell in a heap onto the floor, slamming his shoulder into the ground. He scrambled across the room and barely made it to the waste bin in the corner before he was throwing up into it. He shook and retched until the only thing that came up was bile that stung his throat. There was nothing left in his stomach, but when he looked down and saw the blood smeared on his legs and drying under his nails, his stomach churned again. Jack closed his eyes and took a deep breath to calm down, trying to quell the panic rising in his throat threatening to choke him. 

 

What was he going to do? What the fuck was he going to do?

 

Taking another deep breath to steady himself, Jack pushed himself up off the ground and took a slow step back towards his bed. Sat in the middle, soaking blood through his sheets, was the body of a cat, mostly skinned and halfway gutted. The fur on the cats face was intact and bloody and the fear and pain in the animal's eyes still remained. Jack's heart and stomach twisted again. Its intestines were spilling out of its belly, crushed into Jacks duvet from when Jack had fallen out of bed. Tears pricked behind his eyes and he went to press the heels of his hands against them before he remembered the blood on them. The blood of the animal currently dead on his bed. 

 

But is it just that cats blood? 

 

The voice startled Jack. It was all him, not the Thing, but he didn't welcome the thought. Was this the only animals blood on his hands today? Jack shuddered. 

 

It had never been this bad. Usually when this happened, It would just knock him out and Jack would wake up with unexplained cuts and bruises, sometimes things went as far as Jack finding piles of dead squirrels and birds on his porch after he woke up. The memories would come back to him sometimes and hed see himself wringing some poor animal's neck and playing with its blood. It made him sick. Jack was sure that It put those memories in his mind on purpose, to scare him. It always worked. 

 

As Jack stared at his bloody duvet, he let out a shuddering breath and stepped forward. Quickly pulling the corners of his sheets off the mattress, he bunched them up in a ball and held them as far away from himself as possible. There would be no saving them from the blood stains and Jack didn't think he could stand to sleep under them again. It felt terrible to be throwing the cat into the dumpster outside his apartment building, but he didn't know what else to do. Jack slipped quietly out if his apartment, praying none of his neighbors would be out yet. He only noticed he was barefoot when he stepped out onto the cold pavement. Hurrying to the dumpster, he tossed the bundle into it, starting to shake.

 

What was he doing? Why was he so calm? Panic began to creep over Jack and he felt his throat start to close up on him. He sprinted back upstairs into his apartment, slamming the door behind him. He leaned back against it, breaths coming fast and hard as his hands shook and his knees gave out. Landing on his hands and knees, he was hardly on the ground for half a minute before he was running to the kitchen and and throwing up again in the sink. The bile stung his throat and made him cough, which launched him into dry sobbing. No tears came, but his chest heaved with the force of the sobs and his wrecked voice rang through his apartment. 

 

Weak. 

 

It whispered the word in the back of his mind. Suddenly, Jack was angry. He was so fucking angry. He shoved himself off the counter and turned to the opposite wall, slamming the bottoms of his fists against it and screaming out loud. 

 

“FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU, YOU DEMONIC FUCKING ASSHOLE! AAAGGHH!” He screamed again and slammed the heel of his foot against the wall. Pain exploded up into his ankle and he faltered, stumbling backwards until he slipped and fell to the ground. His tailbone stung and his arms were still shaking as Jack pushed out a shuddering breath and laid back against the cool tile of his kitchen floor. The cold seeped into his clothes and stung his skin, bringing him back to reality a bit. Jack breathed out deeply and his chest collapsed. He took another deep breath in and swallowed. It tasted fucking disgusting because hed just thrown up twice and he knew he needed to shower and brush his teeth. He took a moment before he pushed himself off the ground and padded weakly to the bathroom. 

 

Jack's shirt stuck to him, making him notice the blood that had soaked through it. He shuddered and made the decision to just toss this entire outfit. He stepped into the shower, letting the warm water calm him down. When he looked at the blood sliding down his skin and into the drain with the water, tears stung his eyes again. This time, he let them slip down his face. He'd be okay. It had been there most of his life and he'd always been able to deal with Him. He knew that he himself hadn't killed the cat, but he knew that the knowledge of what his body had done, the blood his hands were stained with, would haunt him. But it was okay. It wasn't the only thing he had to live with. He could do this. Hed get through it. 

 

Jack scrubbed the blood from under his nails and skin until his body stung and tingled. After it didn't feel like hed just massacred a village, he turned off the shower and stumbled out. He brushed his teeth five times and scrubbed at his tongue. He made a point not to look in the mirror once. It made him feel minutely better. After he was finished, he slipped out of the bathroom in a towel. He couldn't bring himself to go back to his bedroom yet so he went to the living room and sat on his couch, pulling his knees to his chest. He was so tired. He knew it was a bad idea to sleep so soon after It had come. Sleep made him weak. But he could barely keep his eyes open as he slowly curled up on the couch and let the peace of sleep wash over him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> any comments or suggestions you have would be greatly appreciated :) i really want to write this but ive got school and some weird personal stuff happening for the rest of the year so updating would be a bit sporadic. alright thank u for reading please if you wanna comment (polite) things id love that i wanna know how i can improve this. also im really bad at ao3 formatting and i know already every word i italicized when i wrote this is no longer. FUCK


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright I'm am very sorry this took so long. I promise ill try not to let it happen again. Also this was written and posted on a phone I'm not super familiar with bc my phone and laptop are broken so if anything is glaringly obviously bad pls tell me. I promise ill eventually learn how the format on here works and figure out how to KEEP WORDS ITALICIZED.  
> (Also I changed the end of the story description a bit just now sorry sorry)

For a moment, the world was shiny and blurred. The light from the sun bounced off of every surface like the whole world was made of mirrors. Then his surroundings came into focus and the world was clear and soft. Jack had just stepped from the dark confines of his parents cabin into the (quite rare) bright, sunny daylight, which explained the strange way the world had played with his unadjusted eyes. Only two of his older siblings were home and neither of them had wanted to play, so Sean's mom had allowed him to go outside and explore the woods. 

Jack ran down the driveway and was about to run through the street when his mother's voice rang out in his head. 

“Always looks both ways before you cross the street, Jack!” Of course, Jack knew this already but it was okay because his mum just wanted him to be safe. Jack looked left, then right, then left again. There was one car a ways down the road but Jack knew he could make it across the street before it got too close. The bottoms of his trainers made loose asphalt crumble, some of it sticking in the lines of his shoes. Sean loved when that happened because it was fun to pop them out with a stick afterwards. 

As Jack slipped between the trees, he heard the car that he could've sworn would never catch him speed down the road behind him, setting off a flurry of leaves and dust behind it. He thought it was weird for a second, then forgot it had even happened, deciding that hed go snail hunting. Picking his way through the woods, he scanned every leaf and tree trunk for the little shelled things. He'd been searching for what felt like a million years (it had only been five minutes) and snail hunting was getting boring. He decided to look for cool rocks instead. Rocks were much easier to find. 

Every stone he came across was stuffed in his pockets until they were heavy and bulging. Jack had been wandering for a while and wasn't exactly sure where he was but he didn't worry. Having had enough of rocks, he decided to find a good tree to climb. He searched for one with branches low enough for him to reach, eyes up and wandering. Suddenly, his foot caught on something, a root probably, and he fell forward, tripping into a clearing. 

The knees of his trousers scraped against the sticks and rough dirt and he heard more than felt one of them rip open. Jack pushed himself up so he was leaning on his elbows instead of lying flat on his face in the dirt. He rolled over and pulled his knee to his chest so he could look at it. It was scraped and blood had already begun to trickle down his leg. 

“Oh no mums gonna kill me” he thought. He tried to stand but as he looked up his breath caught in his throat and it was like he was a magnet and the ground was made of metal because he was immediately pulled back to the forest floor, landing hard. What he saw in front of him was hard to describe. It wasn't a person, that was for sure, but it almost had the silhouette of one. That's all it was, really. A dark, shadowy creature, with the shape of a man but much taller than any man could be. It was as if he was made of black smoke and Jack could hardly focus on his flickering form. 

“Hello.”

The... things voice was terrifying. It was deep and smooth and dark as pitch. The creature lifted one of its abnormally long arms toward Jack, a sharp finger becoming clear as he reached forward. Jack scrambled back on his hands and rear, trying desperately to scoot away from the thing. It was in the middle of the clearing, maybe 15 feet from where Jack sat on the edge, yet his hand reached Jack's face easily. The sudden closeness made Jack freeze despite his entire brain screaming at him to “RUN! RUN OH MY GOD RUN!” and sharp fingernails dug into the flesh of his cheeks, forcing his chin up to look at the face of the creature, which was now far closer to him than he remembered. Jack wondered briefly how this shadow monster could feel so solid, but its face was so close that any thought was replaced with an intense sense of panic and uneasiness. 

“I said… Hello.” 

The voice was far more menacing now and Jack realized that the creature obviously expected an answer. 

“I… H-hello…” Jack's voice shook, mimicking the actions of the rest of his body. He was tense and terrified. The monster didn't have real facial features, but some strange instinct told Jack that a wicked smile was creeping across its face. Although he couldn't see it, he knew the thing was pleased with his answer.

“Are you alright, Sean. You seem scared. It's like you've just seen… a monster?”

Jack knew the thing was grinning at its joke and something inside him twisted with discomfort when it used his real name. 

“Please. Please just let me go home. I promise I won't tell anyone you're out here please please just let me go.” Jack felt tears prick his eyes and his chest felt tight. He was so scared. What was this thing going to do to him? Jack regretted coming out into the woods. He just wanted to go home and run to his mom so she could hold him and tell him that it was going to be okay. 

The things nails pressed harder into his skin. It hurt but it hurt more when the creature yanked his chin forward so that Jack's face was closer to his and-if it had them- Jack would be staring into its eyes. But there were no eyes. Just pits of smoke, maybe a touch darker than the rest of the shadow that made up the monster but Jack couldn't tell. 

“Of course you won't tell anyone. I know you, Sean. You'd be far too afraid to tell anyone.”

The words stung but Jack knew they were true. The monster pulled its claws from Jack's face and stepped back. It began to speak again but Jack didn't hear him because, without his brains consent, his body reacted on instinct and he took off running into the trees. It would have been a good plan if the beast's legs weren't so much longer and Jack had actually known where he was, but soon he was running blindly through trees he didn't recognize, the panic rising higher and higher in his throat. Something caught the back of his jacket and then he was being pulled back and up, his feet leaving the ground. The beast held him in front of its face, its fury radiating around it. Fear gripped Jack as the creature dangled him above the ground. 

“FOOL! STUPID CHILD HOW DARE YOU! YOU CAN NOT RUN FROM ME!”

The beast's voice was loud and booming. It shook the branches around them and rumbled deep in Jack's chest. It turned swiftly, pulling Jack along with it as it moved gracefully through the trees. The way it moved was perfect yet terrifying. Paired with its slender, shadowy frame it seemed the thing had been built to hide behind tall trees and in dark corners. In only a few moments they were back in the clearing and the thing flung Jack to the dirt. He knew better than to run this time. 

Something inside him felt fuzzy. It swirled around in his chest when the beast had been holding onto him, collapsing in exhaustion the second it had let go. The monster looked down at Jack, its hatred and anger permeating the air. 

“Now Sean I just wanted to talk. It's your fault that you ran off like that. And for what? Because you were afraid of me? You should have stayed… Listened. If you had only listened this would have been much easier. I have been here many years, Sean. I have seen you. And now that you have seen me it is obvious you do not want to again. If you let me into your soul then you will never have to see me like this again. Would you like that?”

Jack didn't really know what a soul was. Hed heard it a few times in places but he never paid much attention. He knew it was inside of you but it wasn't some super important body part. It didn't seem so bad. If it took the beast away from him forever that made it even better. Jack nodded.  
Jack could hear the smile in the beast's voice when he said “Good. Just give me your hand.”

Jack presented the beast with a shaky hand and when it grabbed it, the swirly feeling in his chest returned. The beast took a deep breath in and the swirls grew cold. The beast held his hand in a tight grip that Jack couldn't have pulled away from if he tried. As the beast let out the breath, his shadows flickered and the swirls suddenly felt significantly darker. He gasped as pain bloomed in his chest and the swirls battered his ribs, slamming up against them like stormy waves. Suddenly, with a puff of smoke, the creature disappeared and the pain exploded, becoming ten thousand times more intense. Jack could hardly breathe as he staggered backwards. He tripped, falling hard on his back but it didn't matter. He passed out before he hit the ground. 

-

Jack shot up in a cold sweat, 20 years older and on the couch in his living room. His breath was coming hard and fast as his chest heaved and his arms shaked. 

Jack let out a shuddering breath as he pushed himself up to sit against the back of the couch and pull his knees to his chest. His towel slipped down and a gust of cold air shot down his back making his jump. He put his head against his knees and took a few deep breathes. He always had this dream after It had taken over his body. Well really it was more of a memory but somehow it never got better and he never got used to it. It felt so real. It felt like it was happening again. Jack's chest ached, just like it had when It had first taken hold of him. He'd been so stupid and naive and this is where it had gotten him. Jack hated himself for falling into Its trap. It was sick to trick a child into letting a monster into their soul, but Jack blamed himself. If he hadn't been so stupid. He clenched his eyes shut. 

With a deep breath, he opened them again. He didn't think he'd be able to get back to sleep so Jack stood slowly, wrapping his towel tighter around him. He passed to his kitchen and turned on the coffee maker. When he looked at the clock it revealed that it was past three in the morning. Jack didn't have it in him to record today but he always had extra videos stocked up for days like these. He still needed a distraction, though. With a sigh he walked to his bedroom, purposely keeping his eyes off the bed while he grabbed some clothes, and decided to put all of his energy into cleaning his apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just in case you didn't catch it, anti is one bad dude. He took advantage if a child to reach his means. Sorry again for taking so long but pls tell me what you think comments make me feel :) thank u for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first of all, im very sorry. i know i said i would update this sooner last time, but there were a lot of... setbacks. finals were a pretty big deal and the day i planned to sit down and finish writing this chapter, i ended up sitting in the emergency room for hours. i know thats not really an excuse, but im on break for a few more days so i will try to write more. sorry for another background chapter but im trying to establish antis powers and the like. real plot starts next chapter ;) thanks for reading and have fun i guess

The first time it happened, Jack had been sixteen on a family vacation to Dublin. He was secretly excited because he hadn’t been anywhere near a bigger city since they'd moved to the cabin, but he had to keep up his shitty teen facade so he moped and groaned about having to actually go places, with his family no less. On the train, he bounced his leg and bit his lip, staring out the window at the green blur speeding past them. Something felt… off. It was freaking him the hell out because by this point he realized there was something wrong in him. He knew the freaky shadow dude that grabbed at his legs and screamed at him in nightmares stemmed from the hazy ten year old memory. He knew the sickeningly violent thoughts that hissed in his ears sometimes didn't come from his own mind. He was worried about the slimy, churning feeling in his gut and the way he could feel someone pacing and plotting in the back of his mind. He was shocked out of his thoughts by a sharp pain in his arm.

 

“Oh my god stop fucking bouncing your leg.” His sister hissed at him, pulling her hand away from where she'd just punched him in the arm.

 

“Language!” Their mother had chirped but Jack could hardly hear it over the bright flash of rage that had exploded at the back of his head. It wasn't his own but he could feel it, white hot and blazing. He glared at his sister and their brother across from them snickered as Jack's mother launched into a speech on speaking politely. Jack spent the rest of the train ride with his fists clenched in his lap, glaring intently out of the window.

 

-

 

After three days holed up in a hotel room with his entire family, Jack felt like he was going insane. It felt like he was boxed in and he was in desperate need for some fresh air. It was already dark when he called to his mother that he was going for a walk, slipping out of the room before she could stop him. He took the stairs instead of the elevator, suddenly filled with a kind of nervous energy. Jack turned off his phone, effectively stopping any interference from his family, before shoving it back in his pocket and hunching over against the biting wind with his hands buried in his jacket pockets.

 

The cold stung his nose and made his fingers numb. Jack had no idea how long he had been walking, but he knew that his feet were aching and he had wandered far enough to have no idea where he was. The street was dark and had cars on very curb. It seemed like a pretty shit part of town, definitely not anywhere Jack would normally hang out. He could only guess the time, although it was obviously quite late as the bars and clubs that lined the road were beginning to spit out wasted college kids. Without warning, a white hot pain sprouted in his brain and knocked him into a wall. Pushing himself up with one arm, Jack realized the pain had left as suddenly as it came, leaving only a soft, dull ache in its place.

 

Something felt… off. He knew it had something to do with the burst of pain and the way the back of his brain felt… lighter than it had earlier. It was strange and a bit off putting, but Jack chose to ignore it, shoving himself off the wall and continuing in his shuffle down the road. After a few minutes, there was a burst of sound and light as a group of girls stumbled from the doors of a nightclub in front of Jack. They were loud and obviously drunk, swaying and clutching each other as they tripped down the sidewalk.

 

“HA! Oooh my Gooood haha wow.” One of the girls laughed, slurring and tripping into her friend next to her, almost sending them both tumbling to the ground. The rest of the girls laughed along with her as they stopped at a turn. 

 

“Alright I’ll see ya girls in tha mornin, huh? You be careful now.” One of the girls spoke up. She seemed to be the least intoxicated out of the group but she was far from sober. Her friends spouted out goodbyes and instructions to be safe as they turned right and giggled their way down the road. The girl turned left, hands shoved in her coat pockets and shoulders hunched as she walked quickly down the pavement. 

 

‘Follow her’

 

The thought was… not his, but Jack felt compelled to listen to it. His feet moved without his consent and suddenly he was walking quickly after the girl. She was almost tall with long blonde hair that hung down over her shoulders and her sparkly dress. Jack took in her appearance, assessing her, when he realized her sharp, tall heels would make it difficult for her to run.

 

‘Perfect’

 

Jack stumbled as the word came to mind. What? No, not perfect. That would be very bad if she got in trouble. Jack started to feel a bit ill, stomach churning as his head began to pound. In front of him, the girl ducked between buildings into an alley.

 

‘Follow her’

 

What? No fucking way. Jack had no idea what was going on and it was terrifying him. Suddenly, an image popped in his head of him with his hands wrapped around the girl's throat, choking her, killing her. Jack tripped over his own feet, brain screaming at him “What the fuck?!? What is happening? Stop this!” His feet moved without his permission as he turned into the alley. Jack tried to dig his heels in, stop himself from moving, but it was like he wasn't in control of his own body. He had no idea what to do and, acting on instinct, he threw up a mental barricade. All of his thoughts slammed into it at once and his head burst open in agony. He felt something being ripped from him, felt it down in his very soul as he was thrown on his back, head slamming against the ground. His vision became dark and blurry as a figure pushed themselves up next to him. He saw them staring at him looking extremely bewildered and.... Like him? What? The person in front of him looked almost like him. He was human shaped, but much less real looking. It was almost as if his skin was made of fog. Instead of blue eyes, one was a glowing green and the other was a sickening tarry black. It took Jack too long to realize it was the Thing. Somehow, the shadow thing from the forest that had taken up residence in his soul and his skull was staring back at him.  
Without warning, Jack was being pulled down by the back of his hoodie. His head hit the pavement again and Jack knew from the darkness of his vision and the fogginess that was weighing him down that he was about to pass out. With blurry eyes, he saw the Thing stand and stalk down the alley, turning away and coming back within half a minute, dragging the blonde girl behind him. She kicked and shouted as he shoved her down and pressed inhumanly strong hands against her throat. As his vision faded, Jack tried to reach her, to help her, but he was fading fast. He blacked out to the sounds of her choked sobs.

 

-

 

Jack woke who knows how long after in an entirely different alley than the one he had passed out in. It was still dark as he stood on shaky legs. Jack stumbled out of the alley, immediately recognizing that he was only a few blocks away from his hotel. He made the decision to shut down his brain and not even consider the memories flooding back to him until he was sure he wouldn't cry. Or throw up. Or both. Pulling his hood over his head as he walked, Jack let out a long sigh. He ached, everywhere. He had no idea what he was going to do, no idea what had even happened. Somehow he made it back to the hotel in one piece, although that probably wouldn't last long, he realized as he opened his room to the furious faces of both his parents.

 

-

 

It had happened a couple more times after that. Jack had eventually figured out that the Thing could give itself a physical form, but it took a hell of a lot of energy and he was always fighting the pull of Jack's soul trying to force him back into his place. He always looked almost like Jack, but he never really got it right. It was exhausting to think about, but it always came to his mind after.... Things… happened. Jack sighed. His apartment was clean but he wasn't really sure if he could sleep in his bed again yet. With a heavy heart and heavy limbs, he dragged himself to the couch and curled up into himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> an explanation: anti was so determined to make jack hurt the girl that jacks sudden and incredibly strong resistance slammed into him and like... forced him out. but only for a moment and he decided to make the most of it. i have one really distant chapter written and its basically the scene i thought of that gave me the idea to write the rest of this so at least im not completely off track. thank you for reading! comments are greatly appreciated, i know this chapter isnt my best so tell me what you think please :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey look it didnt take me a month to update this time (yikes sorry). i cant promise that for the next one though bc i go back to school tomorrow. i feel like this chapter is shorter??? so like sorry about that. also god DAMN is it hard to write dialogue without using your own speech patterns jeez. alrighty hope u enjoy this :)

Jack dug through the pile of letters and notes on his desk to find the the sticky not where he had scribbled the time and date of an appointment. His desk was a mess and his email inbox was overflowing. He was trying to get his schedule for the next month worked out, shoving all of his events and appointments wherever they could fit in his calendar. Preparing for cons was hell and it didn't help that the past six weeks of his life were spent being a jumpy, paranoid mess, waiting for It to pop up and fuck him over. He'd been unusually quiet since… the cat incident and it was starting to put Jack off. He had also apparently become aware of the fact that Jack's fanbase fawned over an imagined version of him. The few times It had whispered to him or haunted his dreams in the past weeks, It had been sure to mention that he “has a name now, Sean” and that Jack needed to “give the people what they wanted.” These phrases were always accompanied a sickening laugh or a mental shove that somehow still made him stumble over his own feet. It was annoying as hell. Jack wasn't going to call the damn thing Anti, that was stupid. Besides, giving It a name after all this time just felt… not right.

Jack groaned and rubbed his hands over his face, knocking his glasses off his nose and shoving them up into his hair. He had a month until the con, but he still had to work out his flight details and film videos for the three days of con. Jack was exhausted and it was getting dark. Usually hed stay up and push through to get more work done, but he was so out of it he didn't think it would be worth it. Jack shoved his chair away from his desk with a sigh and stood on tired legs. He loved his job, he really did, but sometimes it was hard to find a balance. Stumbling out of his office and through his dark flat, Jack nudged his bedroom door open with his foot and flopped face first on to his bed. It still made him feel a bit shivery and ashamed, but he learned to just deal with it. He couldn't sleep on his couch forever.

Jack felt as if he could fall asleep right then, clothes still on, lying on top of his covers, and he was about to, when his phone chimed loudly in his back pocket. Jack groaned, shoving his face into his pillow. He really really wanted to just ignore it, but knowing his luck it would probably be something crazy important and life changing. Flipping onto his back and wiggling his phone from his jeans, Jack squinted at the notification. It was a twitter message from… Mark? That was weird. They hadn't really talked much recently, both busy with work. Jack unlocked his phone to read the message.

Markiplier: Hey, you up to skype? I want to ask you something.

Yikes. That sounded...not good. Jack hesitated before typing out a reply.

Jacksepticeye: Yeah, of course man! :)

He closed out of his dm’s opened the skype app on his on his phone. Soon enough, the incomng call tone was blasting out of his phone speakers. Realizing he was still sprawled flat on his back in bed, Jack scrambled to sit against his bed frame shoving his hair into hopefully decent looking order before accepting the call. He was greeted with a frozen screen, an image of Mark with his lip between his teeth and his phone in front of him before it glitched, blacked out and showed him Mark again.

“Sean!” Mark beamed at him and Jack tried not to flinch at the use of his real name. He’d forgotten Mark did that sometimes. Smiling back, Jack laughed out a “Hey man! How are you?”

“Same old same old, you know. Been kinda swamped with con prep, though.”

“Yeah, man, I know how you feel. It’s pretty hectic.” He smiled at Mark. He hadnt realized how much he’d missed talking to his friend. Mark was sitting in an unfamiliar room in front of a window. It was barely dark and Jack realized it was probably around 7 there. Mark looked the same as always, bright eyes and hair, all warm skin and smiles.

“Yeah I can tell. You look like shit.”

This shocked a laugh out of Jack and he faked a glare. “Fuck you! At least I have an excuse for looking like shit, it’s late as hell here.”

Mark had a moment of realization before looking a bit sheepish. “Oh shit, sorry dude. I always forget about that. Time zones suck.”

“It’s no problem, man. I was still up anyways.” Mark smiled at him and there was a moment of soft silence between them. It felt… nice. Calm and peaceful. Jack spoke first, breathing out before asking, “You said you wanted to talk to me about something?”

“Oh!” Mark jumped a bit before smiling again. “Yeah! So… You know how theres a con coming up? Well I was wondering, you haven’t come to L.A. just to hang out in forever and I’d totally be up to letting you stay at my place if you did, you know? Just a couple extra days and you’d be able to actually hang out with everyone here without being preocuppied?” He laughed nervously and scratched at the back of his neck.

“Oh…” Jack was… shocked. There was always that part of him that doubted how much his friends really liked him so Marks offer felt...nice.

“I totally get it if you cant I mean I know youre super busy and everything” Mark stumbled over himself trying to cover his ass. Jack laughed at his ridiculosness. “No, dude, it’s fine! I would love to. Are you sure about me staying at your place though?”

“Of course I am, Jack.” Mark laughed. “So like this is actually happening? Nice! Dude thats fucking awesome.” Jack smiled at his friends excitement. Talking to Mark, seeing him smile, it filled him with an odd warmth.

-  
They talked for a while more, discussing the trip details and other random shit. By the end of it they’d decided Jack would stay five extra days so he’d have enough time to see everyone and hang out. They talked until Jack started nodding off and Mark was laughing and telling him to “go the hell to sleep, you idiot” and apologizing for keeping him up so late. Somehow, Jack still managed to fall asleep in his clothes and in top of his covers, but it didn't really matter to him then. He felt warm and happy and a kind of fulfilled he hadn't felt in a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> look at that marks here (finally). thank you so much for reading (also???? this has more than 50 kudos whaaatt???) and i would greatly appreciate comments (please) (PLEASE). hopefully i can get the next chapter out faster than usual but no promises. thank u and i hope you enjoyed!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! long time no see. im like 98% sure i called another fic that whoops this is kinda short i think and also im drugged the fuck up on cold and flu medicine so. i deleted the last chapter note thing where i was talking but i wanna say thank u to the ppl who were nice about it ur awesome

Jack groaned loudly in frustration, flopping against the back of his chair and shoving his hands in his hair. He was almost finished editing the last of the con prep videos. Part of him very slightly regretted agreeing to stay with Mark for so long but it was drowned out by the excitement at seeing his friend again. They’d talked a few more times in the past month to work out details and confirm plans so the nerves and energy were pumping through Jack veins. They’d confirmed that at least one day would be spent fully with the Grumps. Jack bounced his leg quickly, a smile taking over his face. It was easy to forget how much he missed his friends and the idea of being able to spend more time with them was getting him pumped the fuck up. But a part of him was still uncertain. It hadn’t so much as spoken for more than a week. It was throwing him off and making him think It had something planned, which definitely was not good.

“If you miss me so bad why don’t you just say something?”

Jack jumped and definitely did not yelp nope no way. It was more of a…. Sound of surprise. A high pitched one. It laughed, dark and deep.

“Shut up” Jack grumbled. He was infinitely glad he lived alone. Besides the fact that there was a murderous demon living in his brain that had the power and will to kill anyone he could consider living with, the talking shit to himself out loud would.... probably not be taken well.

It laughed again. “So…” It drawled, dragging out the word. “You've been pretty busy lately. How's it going?”

Jack cursed. “Stop. I know what you're thinking and stop it. There's no way you're even speaking while I'm at the con. I'm still stronger than you and I will fight like hell if you even try anything.”

It's deep chuckle made Jack's skin prickle. “Of course, Sean. I would never. Besides, I’d never be so stupid. It’d be almost impossible not to get caught and when I did, where would I… Where would /we/ be?”

Jack shuddered at the connotations of his words. No one would believe him if he blamed it on An- on It… In fact, they'd probably lock him up a facility somewhere.

Jack sighed. “Fine. I'm actually a bit busy now, so if you wouldn't mind, could you please fuck off?”

“My my, look at you taking a stand.” It laughed again. “See you soon.”

-

Jack stumbled through his apartment, completing any last minute tasks. His suitcase was standing by the front door, his laptop was secured in his bag. He spun around, giving his apartment a once over. He was almost certain he was ready. Downstairs, he heard his cab driver beep his horn. 

“Okay…” Jack sighed, grabbing his bags and taking off down the hallway. At the top of the stairs he yelped and spun on his heel, booking it back to his door to shut and lock it. “Jesus” he muttered. He was frazzled and tired from having stayed up late making sure everything was ready. Running down the stairs as fast as he could, Jack burst out of the doors of his apartment complex. He threw his bags in the trunk and ducked into the cab. Leaning back into the stiff faux leather of the seats, Jack sighed. He was tired but excited and his already frazzled nerves were sparking thinking about the flight. He was exhausted, but his excitement broke through the cloud easily like a bright ray of sunshine and warmed him.

-

Jack's knee bounced as the plane began to descend. He’d been on edge the entire flight and refused to open the tiny window blind and gaze upon the minuscule cities below him. That definitely hadn't earned him the favor of his seat mate. The captains voice crackled over the speakers, warning them of a bumpy landing. Jack clenched his hands around his arm rests as the plane bounced and skidded onto the runway and his ears popped. When they had finally landed, passengers milled about until they could leave. Jack speed walked down the almost empty hall and out of the plane. Almost immediately, he was swept into the whirlwind of customs and baggage claim. When he'd finally gotten his bag and trudged out to the front of the airport, bus stomach flipped. Mark was supposed to pick him up. He ran his fingers quickly through his hair, wishing he'd at least checked his reflection before walking out. It was too late though because suddenly he heard his name being called and he looked up to meet the smiling eyes of his friend. His hair was a fiery red, same as the last time he'd seen him, and he was dressed in plain jeans and a hoodie. A smile broke on Jack's face as he walked over to the man. Mark grabbed him in a crushing hug and laughed.

“Dude! It's been so long! I'm so happy to see you.”

Jack shoved him away jokingly, eyes bright and happy with a smile on his face. “I know, man! I've missed you. How are you?”

“I'm fine. Great now that you're here” He smiled at Jack and the strangest thing happened. Jack's chest got this weird fluttery feeling and his stomach flipped. Mark cocked his head and made a face. “Hmm… have you gotten shorter?”

Jack laughed, punching him in the arm. “If anything, I think you've gotten stupider.”

Mark faked a hurt look, ruining it by laughing. “Shut up, you doofus. Im parked in the garage, do you wanna get going?”

Jack smiled. “Sure thing, man.”

As Mark led him to his car, Jack felt that fluttery feeling again. Everything was light and airy. They joked and poked fun at each other. It was like they'd never even drifted apart. Jack was so happy, it felt like hed burst. Or cry. Maybe both. A part of him wanted to work out the strange feeling he kept getting when Mark spoke. Or when he laughed and his eyes crinkled up or when he’d throw his arm around Jack and squeeze him into his side. But a bigger part just wanted to be there, content in the moment. Jack decided to listen to that part and he let himself feel happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments and thing are gretly appreciated! i love feedback pls pls pls. its so weird that people actually have this bookmarked or have given it kudos. thank you vvvvvv much


	6. Chapter 6

The drive to the hotel was a long one, but Jack barely noticed. He and Mark had talked the whole way, catching up and joking with each other. Mark sat up straight with his eyes ahead, both hands kept securely on his steering wheel. Despite having his seemingly full focus on the road, Mark's laugh was loud, his eyes sparkled and sometimes when they were stopped, he would reach over and shove Jack lightly. 

Mark giggled as they passed under a seemingly innocent billboard with a woman posing suggestively on it. “Sean…” He choked on a laugh, pointing at the sign. “Sean, check it out.”

It was strange. Despite instinctively tensing at the use of his given name, there was something else. What he usually associated with a hissing voice and cruel intentions was now backed by Mark's warm, gentle tone and a kind laugh. Although there was still a bit of paranoia in place, it had felt…. safe. He'd like to be called Sean more if it happened like that. 

-

Mark pulled into in a crowded parking garage next to their hotel. They were staying at the same place, along with a few other Youtubers Jack had spoken with before he came. Jack had begun to feel quite tired, even a bit dizzy. He hadn't gotten used to the time zone change yet. It was the middle of the afternoon and Jack felt like flopping down on a bed and sleeping straight through till the next morning.

The woman at the front desk smiled kindly at them, checking Mark and Jack in separately and handing them their room keys. He discovered that Marks room was two floors below his own as they migrated towards the elevator doors. Mark pushed the button, watching as the number above the door slowly ticked down towards them.

“So… I'd ask if you wanted to hang out in my room for a bit, maybe get dinner once Felix or Dan and Arin get here, but you look beat.” 

Jack scoffed and puffed up his chest. “Of course not! I'm the master of time zones, I don't need sleep!” The integrity of his last sentence was compromised when it was interrupted by a huge yawn.

Mark laughed, loud and bright. “Shut up, you goofball. You've gotta rest, your body clocks all fucked and I swear to god if you fall asleep on a fan tomorrow no one would ever let you live it down, myself included. I could walk you up to your room, if you'd like?” Mark shoved his hands in his pockets and swayed a bit awkwardly, bumping Jack's shoulder.

Jack gave him a sleepy smile. “Yeah, that'd be nice, thank you.”

The elevator dinged and the doors parted, revealing its empty metal box. They shuffled in and Mark pressed the button for Jacks floor before leaning back against the rail jutting out of the wall. Jack joined him, another yawn escaping his mouth.

“Jesus” Jack coughed out a laugh and leaned against Mark, sleep clouding his brain. He felt his friend tense a little under his weight. He began to breathe a little quicker and Jack heard him swallow sharply. The strong reaction probably should have worried Jack, maybe given him the hint to get the hell back into his own space, but he didn't give much of a shit. Mark was warm and comfortable, that wasn't Jack's fault.

Suddenly, the elevator dinged and he was being jerked up again as Mark jumped. 

“See, Jackyboy, you're falling asleep on your feet! I need to get you into bed.”

Jack giggled. “A bit straight forward, dontcha think?”

Mark blanked. Usually, he'd be able to brush it off, or throw a snarky remark back, but something about this was different. Maybe it was the sleepiness in Jack's voice, or the way he was still leaning into him slightly as they walked.

“Gimme your key. ” Mark stuck out his hand as Jack dug into his jacket pocket to retrieve it. He unlocked Jacks door and walked inside with him, letting him drop his bags by the door before shoving him towards the bed.

“Sleep, ya dirty fucking Irishman.” Jack laughed, flopping face first onto the mattress, not bothering with his pajamas or the covers. He'd get to those later. 

“Nighty night, Markimoo. See you tomorrow.” Although it was muffled by his pillow, Mark could hear the smile in his voice. Mark grinned to himself as he closed Jacks door and headed back down the hall to the elevator.

-

Jack was sitting across from Mark, both of them laughing at a joke they couldn't remember. Mark huffed and flopped on the ground in front of Jack. It was calm, peaceful. Jack loved it. He wished every day could be like this, sitting and laughing with his friend. Suddenly the scene was shifting, melting and morphing into something darker. 

This time, Mark was still on the ground, but now Jack was kneeling over him. His limbs felt heavy, like they were filled with cement. Something was strange about his perspective. It was like he was looking at Mark through his eyes, but also from an outside perspective. Jack leaned back on his haunches, but it was when he opened his mouth that he realized what was happening.

“Hey there… Markimoo.” Venom dripped off each syllable, in a way Jack physically couldn't force his voice to do. He was watching, helpless, as It had its way with Mark. He didn't know how he'd gotten there and he didn't know how to stop it. Suddenly, It sprang up. Dropping down again quickly, he grabbed Mark by the front of the shirt and yanked him up to stand. 

Mark looked terrified. Although he tried to hide it, his hands shook as he stood up straight and attempted to convey bravery. 

“Jack.” He said firmly, searching Jack's eyes for something familiar. When It spoke again, his voice shook with laughter. 

“Nope. Try again.” He smiled wickedly as he shoved Mark back against the wall. Stepping forward, he wrapped a strong hand around Mark's hand. “Not. Even. Close.”

Mark clawed at Jacks? Its? ….Anti’s fist. Mark clawed at Anti’s fist, attempting to pry his fingers away. Antis laugh was like poison, sick and suffocating. With his intense and unexplainable strength, he lifted Mark off the ground, tightening his fingers before he shoved Mark to the ground. 

“You know…” He said, punctuating his words with a hard kick to Mark's stomach. Jack tried to grab at Anti, but with no physical form that was sort of impossible. “Sean… He really cares for you. I can hear him. He's thinking so fast.” His voice took on a mocking tone. “Oh, what can I do, what do I do? I can't even stop him! Boo hoo he's hurting him!” 

Anti kicked him again. And again. And again. He screamed at him, terrible things, violent things. Jack screamed and sobbed, trying so hard to help. When Mark was beaten and bloody, Anti let up. Marks breath sounded wet and rattley. He wheezed and could barely push himself up onto his forearms. 

“J-Jack…” He tried again, calling for his friend.

“I'M HERE! I'M HERE, MARK! MARK, OH GOD, MARK! I'M SO SORRY!”

“Sorry, Mark. He's not here.” The asshole was MOCKING him. Jack screamed, tears staining his face. Anti giggled and cocked his head to the side.   
“Oh… what's this?” Anti held up his right hand, a sharp kitchen knife materializing in it. Jack felt sick.

“NO! NO NO NO!” Jack felt like he was about to throw up at the sight of Mark's terrified face. The glint of the metal reflected in the tears that gathered in his eyes. 

“Please, oh God please no…” Mark's chest heaved as he tried to scramble backwards. Anti caught him by the shirt and dragged him close.

“You're pleading to the wrong guy, Marky.” He smiled, wide and toothy, before he plunged the knife directly into Mark's chest. 

Jack's heart stopped. His breathing stopped, his lungs collapsed, and his throat closed up. He couldn't breathe. He was going to throw up. Mark gurgled and coughed on the ground. Jack wished he could go to him, could hold him. He tried, he tried so hard, he screamed and clawed at nothing, at his own consciousness, but he couldn't do it. He couldn't reach him. He screeched for him until his throat burned, pleading to every God to just LET HIM GET TO MARK. 

Jack fell back onto his ass as Anti materialized in front of him. He smiled his wicked smile as he kneeled in front of Jack. He dragged the side of the knife across Jack's face, smearing him with his friends blood. 

“See you soon.”

-

Jack jerked awake, scrambling so hard he dropped off the side of the bed. He was sobbing, tears and snot dripping down his face. He pushed his hands to the side of his head to ground himself.

“Just a dream, just a dream, just a dream.” He repeated it, over and over.

Once he was finally able to breathe a little slower, he leaned back against his nightstand. He was shaking and his head was pounding. At least he hadn't thrown up. The clock on his side table read 2:48 am in blinking red letters. He wanted so badly to slip down to Mark's room, to make sure he was alive, but it was too late. He'd be fast asleep. Instead, Jack pulled a pillow off his bed and curled up on the ground with it in his arms. He was shaking and exhausted and god he just hoped he'd be able to fall back asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh hey look hes finally using antis "name". also 10 love points if u catch the pretty obvious reference to the last chapter. i feel like its gonna become our demon friends catchphrase. i hope u enjoyed! comments are vvvvv appreciated! thank u


	7. an update thing

okay. i dont ship septiplier anymore lol. i really never did tbh i just thought it was a cute idea and i knew they werent and never would be a couple. i never pushed it on them or even mentioned it to anyone and i hate that this has pushed their friendship to the point where they arent as close as they were. theyre both in healthy, happy relationships with lovely girls. despite this i really want to keep writing this bc i do actually enjoy writing and i do want to finish what i had planned for anti, but if i do there will be significantly less ooey gooey septiplier relationship stuff than most people probably want. sorry. so i guess if you want to at least stay a little but interested in this you can. i might come up with a new chapter eventually, no promises. sorry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ill try i guess bc i do want to write more. just not really in to the ship anymore sorry.


End file.
